I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
sarcasm needs its own font
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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