you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize