i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
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