Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
