Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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