It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
