I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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