LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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