im about as happy as oj after his trial
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
