My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So squirting runs in the family.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm like, not good at living.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
