he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
When are your genitals available?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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