I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
