just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
