Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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