then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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