Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We're facebook friends in real life
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
