You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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