we have pet lesbian snakes
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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