I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
