What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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