Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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