I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
