Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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