Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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