I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
