How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
