Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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