It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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