we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
