Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
