Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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