3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Never joke about your clitoris.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
