Are we in a gay sports bar?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
