I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just google imaged poop.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
