The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
