I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
How external is "for external use only"?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
