She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
