look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
