My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize