gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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