I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
