Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
only you would photoshop your dick
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
