Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
