I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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