I faked an abortion last night.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
