I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
