ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
