It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
