My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
