forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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