i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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