yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
