Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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