Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize