Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
