Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
