the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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