It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
