I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
