at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
