I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
