There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
