he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
