My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
