they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
