I'm gonna have a badass scar
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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