what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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