New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
