1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
