I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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