Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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