True but thats because hes a fetus.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
