3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
