Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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