Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
