I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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